


One Thing Left Unsaid

by Only_Slightly_Obsessed (A_Stressed_Cupcake)



Series: If It's To Save You [1]
Category: Re:ゼロから始める異世界生活 | Re:Zero Starting Life in Another World (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Character Death, Gen, I love him I promise, Someone will die, Subaru I'm sorry, Suicide, Temporary Character Death, but canon just makes it so easy, but it is subaru, but you know who it is, i write Betelgeuse not Petelgeuse, so he'll be back in a few minutes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-12 12:47:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29135796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Stressed_Cupcake/pseuds/Only_Slightly_Obsessed
Summary: It was a mistake. The last he would ever make in that timeline, but a mistake grave enough to make anything he did afterwards completely meaningless. He knew nothing would save him the moment they heard something snap in the woods behind them.____Or, Subaru's mistakes don't alway result in a massacre. That doesn't mean the timeline is worth saving.
Series: If It's To Save You [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2138166
Comments: 36
Kudos: 81





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is the beginning of a series. Suggestions for future stories are very much appreciated, more details in the end notes :)

It was a small mistake, really.

All he did was spend a few too many minutes negotiating for a carriage. All he did was read the terms and conditions. All he did was ensure he wouldn’t be caught in a bigger mess once that one was over.

It was a mistake. The last he would ever make in that timeline, but a mistake grave enough to make anything he did afterwards completely meaningless. He knew nothing would save him the moment they heard something snap in the woods behind them.

Otto had barely had time to start the carriage when they heard a loud crack of splintering wood in the distance. He froze in his tracks. The light faded from Felix’s hands as the sound broke his concentration. 

“What was that?” murmured Julius. Whether he was referring to the sound, or the sudden reopening of the wound on his shoulder, was anyone’s guess. 

The feeling of pure dread that had long since settled in Subaru’s stomach shifted, violently. from  _ reach the villagers _ to an agonising feeling of fear that pulled him between  _ run away _ and  _ help them _ . He didn’t tell Otto to keep going. He didn’t jump off the carriage, either. 

Not until the first hand burst from the treeline.

“ _ Get down _ !” he yelled, once again, and they were smart enough to listen.

_ He’s alive _ , his mind unhelpfully supplied, over and over and over and over. His muscles tensed up. There were wooden boards under his feet and then there weren’t, there was dust and stone and the bones in his foot crying out from the sudden impact; there was Julius, drawing his sword without care for the growing red stain on his jacket, there was Felix, whose gaze flicked all around him in search of a solution to a problem he couldn’t even see. 

Subaru ground to a halt beside him as Julius took advantage of the dust raised by the carriage to block the first strike. But that dust was already setting and the second arm was already headed straight for him. 

“Julius!”

“I know.”

The connection was nearly instantaneous this time, thanks in no small part to experience, but the unseen hand came just a little too close all the same. Thankfully, Julius’s cape took the damage for him. 

None of them could expect the shambling monstrosity that rammed through the trees, but for once, Subaru would consider himself lucky that he could see the unseen hands; if not for that, aside from being in danger, he would’ve seen nothing but a mangled corpse floating after them in a maelstrom of dust and wood splinters. Empty eye sockets, broken teeth, the dirty remains of mangled fingertips, caked in dried blood and dust. 

It looked horrifying enough when half of it was hidden by the dark substance forming its authority. 

Its cries for the witch sounded just as broken as the corpse it was puppeting around as it barreled its way over to them, but at least there were only six hands coming from it as opposed to the veritable sea of arms they’d faced before. Julius seemed just as relieved as he sliced through two more limbs. Subaru could’ve said the same if only his shoulder and leg hadn’t begun to pulse and then sting the moment Nect had activated. 

It was painfully obvious that they were on a timer.

Subaru was hardly listening to the creature’s broken screams; the blood pulsing behind his ears sounded too much like a ticking clock. Or a time bomb. There was no time. There was no  _ time _ . He didn’t know whether he was angry or just afraid. 

Probably both.

“Just  _ die _ already!”

He wasn’t sure he’d voiced his frustrations until he felt at least two pairs of eyes on him. It didn’t matter. He meant every word. 

Finally, an opening. Julius seemed to notice it a moment before he did and immediately went for the attack. He ducked under the thing’s shadow body and stabbed up before it could stop him. 

To say that its furious screech of agony wasn’t satisfying would be a lie. 

The hands chased him still, but Julius had the sense to rip the sword out, causing as much damage as possible in the process, and slide out of the other side. It still wasn't dead, of course. At least it was getting there, though.

_ Die, die, die, I don't have time for you, die! _

Yeah, it was anger. 

The thing was no longer focused on Subaru. On account of the stab wound in the center of its chest, it had wisely chosen to fixate on Julius instead, attempting to turn and face him with its nasty, decaying face. But the thing was not nearly as nimble as him, and failed to do so before the knight could take out two more limbs and get another slash into its side.

Furious, but powerless, the creature struggled to regrow its lost hands as it fell to the ground below it.

The way it writhed and cried gave Subaru a strange, familiar feeling. 

The way Julius raised his sword one last time, aiming the strike at its pale neck, felt familiar too.

But the sheer elation and panic he felt afterwards bore no similarities to the despair that hung heavy in the air that time. No despair, just panic. No peace, just the terrible anxiety of the ticking clock catching up to him.

When the now headless body didn't move for a solid ten seconds, Subaru made his decision.

"Get out of this village." he told Felix and Julius, "I'm going."

The shortcut wasn’t enough.

It was enough to buy them several minutes; enough that, had they left the moment the first battle was over, it would have allowed them to reach the carriages and get rid of the fire stones. But they hadn’t, and it wasn’t.

Still, though he knew from the start that the timeline would end in tragedy, it didn’t become real until Otto flinched like he’d been struck. His ear almost seemed to twitch as well. 

He looked down. Then at Subaru. Then, slowly, his gaze rose above the treeline. 

His eyes seemed to turn a darker shade, too, the moment they set upon the growing column of smoke up ahead.

Subaru wasn’t quite sure why he’d insisted on going down the road still. It wasn’t going to solve anything, was it? 

There was no way everyone had survived.

But, just like that weak shred of hope that had kept him running a wild goose chase throughout that timeline, there was  _ something _ telling him that he couldn’t be sure until he saw it with his own eyes.

He was forced to admit defeat when his shoes met the first strands of burnt grass surrounding an enormous crater. All the wagons were damaged, some more severely than others, and at least half were missing entirely. Looking over the field before him, he couldn’t spot more than two dozen people still standing. All adults. 

Emilia wasn’t there.

He wandered alone, all around the crater. Back. Forth. Around in a circle. He didn’t know what he was looking for.

A reason not to end the timeline himself, perhaps.

Whatever he was looking for, though, he didn’t find it.

The air was already getting colder.

He wandered, alone and unnoticed, back into the woods while those still standing hounded Felix and anyone who could help, carrying their injured friends, unaware of how useless their struggles would soon prove to be. The five or six people who could still walk, not counting Felix, Julius and Wilhelm, were much too busy to notice him leaving. 

Perfect.

He really didn't want to see them go before him.

As the ground beneath his feet began to freeze over, Subaru lay down in the middle of a clearing and closed his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the beginning of a series of timelines where Subaru resets the timeline to save one person. Just one.  
> Suggestions are appreciated, but here are three or four rules to help me determine who I could write about (this is not to say that these characters will not appear, but they will not be That Person that the timeline is reset for).  
> Rules:
> 
> 1\. I have decided to exclude Emilia, Rem and Reinhard from the list. If Emilia dies, so does anyone nearby, unless she's alone with Reinhard or Elsa or some other immortal, which is unlikely and also cannot include Subaru.  
> Rem can absolutely be the only one who dies, of course, but Subaru has killed himself to save her twice. Maybe I will write a version with her eventually, but as of right now, I would rather give priority to characters that don't interact with Subaru as much/ don't die as much. I wanna give poor Rem a break :(  
> I don't think I need to explain why I'm not gonna try this with Reinhard. I'm not sure I want to contrive a way to kill him without taking out half of Lugunica first, especially in the canon timeline. I love him, and I can absolutely angst him, but not by killing him :,)
> 
> 2\. For now, I am placing all of these divergences in the canon timeline, so no IF stories, especially because those Subarus are a little bit less selfless. I do really love Ayamatsu, so if you find any references to that, you know why :,)
> 
> 3\. I am caught up with the anime, but I've decided to put off reading the novels until this season is over. Therefore, I am not familiar with ALL the lore; if I make any lore mistakes, please take that into account and be patient with me. No spoilers, please. :,)
> 
> Thank you for reading <3  
> Next chapter will be out before the end of the week, as will the third and final chapter.
> 
> Edit: After much deliberation, I've decided to make both this and the next story into four chapters. These aren't necessarily four timelines, just the places where it would be best to end the chapter.  
> I'm also not gonna make it clear who the dead one is until the second chapters :)
> 
> -Rémy


	2. Not Quite Perfect

When he came back to his senses, he was sitting in the middle of a circle of soldiers. 

It was fine. It was all fine. All he had to do was do everything just the same, up until the fight with Betelgeuse was over. Then, get Felix and Julius to leave the danger zone and  _ run like hell _ . With some luck ( _ hah _ ), the bastard would stay down long enough to get to the wagons without him catching up. And, ideally, drop dead on the way there. He knew he was asking for too much there, but a guy could hope.

He did everything right. They killed the fingers, set up the ambush with Julius and, soon enough, the three of them stood at the foot of the cliff. It was still a little strange and a little irritating to see Julius jump down and land gracefully, as opposed to smashing his face against the spikes of rock at the bottom, but then, Julius was not actively  _ trying _ to smash his face in, and that had to count for something.

Before the fight even began, Subaru could already hear the ticking clock in his ears. It was loud, painful, distracting. Especially distracting. More than once, he found himself glancing instinctively at the woods behind him, but it wasn't much of an issue.

Until, that is, the fight started for real.

He had to be reminded, twice, by the sharp sting of anxiety in his chest, that Julius was essentially blind without him. Looking away meant that he could not see Betelgeuse's unseen hand, much less hit it. 

The third time, Julius was exasperated enough to call him out on it: "Subaru!" he yelled, "Focus! I need your eyes!"

"Right!"

He returned his full attention to the fight. Just a moment too late to dodge the three hands that had been slithering towards him. 

Time seemed to slow to a stop.

He remarked to himself that Betelgeuse was smart to take out the eyes first. Without those, Julius wouldn't be much of a challenge anymore. It made sense. It made so much sense that he almost forgot he was supposed to be afraid of the hands coming towards him.

Julius was not as distracted.

He had incredible reflexes, or so went the last thought Subaru had before it hit him that Julius had  _ not _ been standing in front of him a moment before. He opened his mouth to say something; what, he had no idea. 

Too late for that.

Julius sliced through two of the hands, the ones aimed at Subaru’s head, but missed the third, slithering at their feet like a snake; and, much like a snake, it struck quickly and mercilessly.

Just before he cut it, the hand landed a devastating blow just under Julius’s ribs.

Subaru didn't even know it for sure until the knight staggered back a few feet, turning ever so slightly on his side in an attempt to nurse the injury without sacrificing his arms. He was still on guard. There was a hole in his right side and he was still on his guard. And what of Subaru? He was standing behind him, like a frightened child, unable to say or do anything, unable to look away from the growing stain of blood on his white jacket.

Betelgeuse laughed, maybe. He wouldn't know. The blood in his ears was pounding too loudly to allow him to hear anything. 

He barely even realised it was Nect until Julius charged again. 

He didn't get very far. 

The moment he staggered, the moment he lost his balance a little, one of the hands grabbed his sword arm and squeezed it tight enough to make him drop his weapon.

It hurt. It…  _ everything _ hurt. Oh,  _ God _ , how was Julius even standing? It hurt. It hurt. It hurt so much. His side, his leg, his shoulder, now his arm, it  _ hurt _ .

It took him half a second longer than it should have to realise that the pit in his stomach was from Julius being lifted into the air.

It looked too familiar. 

Not all of his limbs were restrained, no, but the way Betelgeuse acted like he was about to put on a show was unmistakable. One hand around his right arm, one around his left leg, one coiled tightly around his waist. One, the worst one, hovered too close to his neck for comfort. At least the one on his waist, if anything, wasn't allowing any more blood to come out, but that was hardly a consolation. 

There was more blood coming, after all.

Subaru didn't know whether it was the shock or just their shared pain that had kept him staring, dumbfounded, up until that moment, but the sight was familiar enough to stir something in him. 

The only difference was that there were no chains to hold him back this time.

The moment Betelgeuse caught him moving, though, he made sure to nip that plan in the bud. And all it took was a little squeeze to punch all the air out of Subaru’s lungs. 

He collapsed to his knees, wheezing with air that just didn't seem to satisfy his needs anymore. Looking up at Julius, it was like receiving an electric shock. Or a signal.

His eyes were closed, but it was still pretty clear looking at his face, tight with pain.

The signal from Julius said  _ run _ . 

Subaru shook his head. 

Run  _ where _ ? To who? More people for Betelgeuse to crush under his grip? More people who would jump in the line of fire, unaware of how little Subaru’s life was worth in the grand scheme of things?

No, his incredibly simplistic, hail Mary plan was to just retrieve the sword and attack until Betelgeuse let go. 

Yes, it was stupid.

No, he didn’t care.

The problem there was that he was still very much in pain, and it wasn’t getting any better. Not when the hand around Julius’s left leg was starting to squeeze so tight that he could feel bones creak in protest. They creaked, and crackled, and Julius lifted his head.

He opened his eyes.

Half a second before a sickening  _ crunch  _ echoed throughout the clearing, Nect was undone.

Julius didn't scream. He did make a strangled noise in the back of his throat, and it was almost worse.

It sounded too… gurgly. 

That was when he knew he had to end the battle somehow. How, though? He felt far more lucid than before. Dozens of possibilities flitted through his mind in a matter of seconds, routes upon routes he could choose to take. 

He chose.

" _ Shamac _ !"

It was a terrible idea. He was sure that, back in the village, Felix’s ears must have been ringing. He was also sure that he would feel the exhaustion of overusing his gate very soon. But it didn’t matter, it was just a distraction and nothing more, to give him that split second he needed to take the sword and duck out of view.

He went for the Archbishop's right side, so that, even when the mist cleared, it would still take him a moment to find him again. 

He didn't attempt to cut his limbs. Even if he freed Julius, at that point, he was far too injured to take up the fight again. His leg was definitely broken, his wrist probably sprained, and the hole under his ribs still bleeding. No, he had to end the fight himself.

Betelgeuse noticed him just a moment too late, thanks in part to a well-timed struggle from Julius; he failed to stop him before he could thrust the sword into one side and out the other. 

It slid in like a knife into warm butter. Between his ribs, judging by the lack of resistance, and oh, wasn’t that the most satisfying payback for the crime freshest in his mind?

The Archbishop collapsed. No longer able to sustain the Unseen Hand, he finally let go of Julius, though that unfortunately meant letting him fall a good ten feet, thankfully on his good side.

Through laboured breaths, the knight still found the strength to encourage Subaru to finish the job.  _ Double tap _ , he would say, but Julius wouldn't get it.

He knew exactly what to go for the moment Betelgeuse started screaming about his witch.

"Give it up." he huffed, "Girls don't like self-proclaimed knights. A little advice, from me to you."

He raised the sword above his head: "Call it a parting gift."

Julius kept his sword remarkably sharp. Not many weapons could slice through someone's neck so cleanly. 

Nor through arms, and legs, and ribs.

He kicked the pieces away from each other. That was the first thing he did.

The second thing he did was kneel beside Julius, who was needlessly struggling to sit up, and push him down again: "Settle down. You're…" he gulped, "You're really hurt."

It was a testament to how much pain the knight was in that he didn't even try to argue. He just let himself fall back against the dusty ground of the clearing, miserably cradling his injured arm. 

"You… you did it." he rasped out, somehow.

Subaru nodded, almost to himself. A violent shiver ran up his back, like being stabbed with an icicle. The fire stones. The bomb. The entire reason for his distraction. It was still going to explode. It was still going to take most, if not all the fleeing villagers with it.

Unless, of course, someone made their way over there immediately and took care of it. But no one knew yet, except…

“Go.”

Subaru flinched. Had he been speaking out loud?

“How do you-”

“You were looking that way the entire time.” Julius murmured, “I’m not so foolish as to believe you were distracted by the weather. If you must go, then go.”

“But-”

“I know that look, Subaru. You don’t wear that face lightly. Go.”

_ No _ .

_ Yes _ . 

Two answers. They pulled him apart.

_ No, you’re going to die _ .

_ Yes, there’s no time _ .

Yes or no, yes or no, quickly, before he failed at both, quickly,  _ quick, Subaru, choose _ .

He froze up long enough for Julius to get frustrated once again: “If you don’t go now, I’ll  _ make  _ you go, Subaru.”

For some ridiculous reason, the threat worked. Subaru felt himself move back.

“Damn you.” he whispered, backing away even further, crossing the treeline before he’d even realised it. “ _ Damn you!! _ ” he yelled back at the smiling knight, “I’ll be back, you hear me? I’ll come back for you and I’ll kill you myself!!”

He wasn’t sure who he was talking to anymore. 

It took him about ten minutes to realise how much time he actually had. More than before, surely, but not enough. Never enough to do everything he needed to do. It was never enough, was it?

But that wasn’t all, it turned out. As he ran past the last houses in the village to find wherever Otto had gone, he felt something brush his back.

Then the brush became a steel grip and tugged him to the ground. He landed harshly on his back. As he coughed away the dust, he looked up to find Felix, standing straight and surrounded by an air of barely contained fury that he never wanted to see again if he could help it.

“F…”

“Subaru-kyun, why are you running?”

Okay, it was him. At least it was really him. Who else called Subaru by that name?

“The s… the fire stones, Felix.” he wheezed, “There’s not much time.”

The other tilted his head. His confusion soon gave way to anger again, though: “What are you talking about? Where is Julius?”

Hope. Finally, hope. 

Subaru chose not to sugarcoat anything. He didn’t have that kind of time: “He’s hurt. He’s hurt badly. Go and find him, he t… he told me to go. The Archbishop is dead, but that spy left fire stones in his wagon, and they’re set to explode. Please, Felix, someone has to-”

Felix’s lip trembled just a little: “How do you know all that?” 

“It’s not important!!” he yelled, “Go help Julius. I have to go. I have to go,  _ now _ . I’m sorry.”

Felix made no move to help him, but he listened. He turned his back to him and ran back into the woods without a word.

Otto’s so-called shortcut would have made Subaru nauseous if he’d taken it just a few weeks prior, he vaguely thought as the merchant ran the wagon down a nearly vertical cliff. But then, a few weeks prior, he was sure he wouldn’t have got that far. He would’ve been killed in the fight at some point, either against the whale, or the Fingers, or Betelgeuse himself if he was particularly unlucky. 

The idea didn’t bother him as much as it used to, and it was scaring him a little. But not nearly as much as the idea of having to once again walk past the crater where dozens of human lives used to be just minutes before.

But he was early this time. Right? He was early. He hadn’t spent any time at all in the village beyond those twenty seconds with Felix, unlike last time. The fight hadn’t lasted as long, either.

He could do it. He could save everyone and then return and beat Julius senseless for being like  _ that _ . It was only fair.

He held on tight to the back of the wagon. 

It took them even less time than he’d expected to have the villagers in sight. Wilhelm cleared a path for them, laying waste to one cultist after the other, and Subaru could have hugged him. 

He wasn’t as graceful as he would’ve liked when they finally reached the right wagon. The children were huddled around Emilia, holding on to her arms and hiding their faces in her sides. He didn’t say a word to her, not yet. There would be time for that, he told himself as he ripped open the floor of the wagon and retrieved what must have been the infamous fire stones. They were glowing. They felt warm in his hands, but not hot enough that he felt them to be at risk of exploding just yet.

He ignored Emilia as she called after him. 

_ I’ll tell you soon _ , he promised her in his mind. 

The stones became hotter and hotter in his grasp, but he was fast enough. Patrasche was fast enough.

She sprinted away without even needing a command, just as the stones started to burn. 

They were close enough, when they exploded, to feel the hot air on their backs, but far enough away that it couldn’t hurt them. 

He let himself fall against the ground dragon’s neck.

“Good girl.” he breathed, “Thank you. You’re the best, Patrasche.”

She craned her head back just enough to bump his arm, and he knew she had understood him. But he couldn’t rest just yet. 

Emilia ran up to them: “Subaru!” she panted, “Subaru, you…”

She was smiling. He could only assume she was going to say something along the lines of  _ you made it _ . Or maybe she wanted to ask him again,  _ why? _

They would have time for that.

Without dismounting, he held out his hand to her: “I have to go. I’ll be back soon, I promise.”

Her smile faded: “Where are you going?”

“I have to go help Julius. One thing, though.”

“What is it?”

He smiled.

“I love you.”

He rode off before she could find the words to answer him.

There was something in the pit of his stomach. A bug, or a rat, or some sort of parasyte. There must have been.  _ Something _ was eating him alive as he made his way back to the clearing. It hurt.

He felt strangely agitated. 

Why? Felix was the best healer around. They were fine. They were both fine. Right. Then why weren’t either of them in the village?

The parasyte wasn’t satisfied with his stomach. It began eating down, down into his intestines, all around his gut, gorging itself on every shred of hope it could find. Subaru had a sinking feeling that the timeline was not as perfect as he’d imagined. 

But paranoia would do him no good. 

That was why he kept going down the path to the clearing long past the point where his paranoia told him it was hopeless.

Maybe he should’ve listened. 

Oh, he found Felix, alright. Crying his eyes out over a cold dead body.

He didn’t even realise he’d fallen to his knees until they started to burn. They burned and itched as the dust seeped through the rips in his tracksuit’s trousers and into his newest wound. 

The sound, incidentally, was also what alerted Felix to his presence. He flinched, and looked behind him, with tears of venom in his eyes. 

“You j…” he sobbed, “You just- y…”

He couldn’t seem to string a single sentence together. His breaths came in short bursts, clogged by a flood of tears and a cloud of dust. The blood on his hands had long since dried. Still, he used his wrist to wipe his tears, hastily, like he didn’t want Subaru to see them: “Forget it!” he hissed, “Forget- why… why are you here so- so soon?”

Subaru felt his mouth move with no input from him: “I got the fire stones. Everyone is safe, I…”

“Not everyone.”

“I know, I…”

“Forget it! I said forget it!”

He already knew the timeline wasn’t perfect. Now, though, he knew it was unacceptable. It could be fixed. It  _ could  _ be perfect. And if it could be perfect, why shouldn’t he do his best to make it so? 

He didn’t even need to do his best. He just needed to do better, next time. There was always a next time for him. There wouldn’t be a next time for anyone else. Therefore, didn’t it fall to him to make sure they would get the best possible ending?

This wasn’t even close to the best ending. 

He crawled on bloodied knees to the dead knight’s side. He had apparently dragged himself over to the nearest rock and sat up all by himself. A horrible decision. Not that it would’ve saved him if he just stayed where he was, probably. He’d clearly tried to bandage the wound with his own cape but, with a sprained wrist, there really wasn’t much he could’ve done. 

Subaru noticed one thing, though. The wound wasn’t there anymore.

He had to wonder how long it had taken Felix to get over his denial without anyone there to stop him.

That added to the seemingly endless list of mistakes he would have to fix next time.

His gaze fell to the sword abandoned beside the Archbishop’s scattered pieces. 

_ Here comes next time _ .

Felix must have sensed something was wrong when he stood up and walked over to it.

“Where are you going?” he asked, with a shaking voice, “What are you doing?”

Both reasonable questions. But ones he didn’t need to answer right away. He would have to be quick. If Felix caught him, there was a very real chance he could save his life, and then they would never let him near anything dangerous again. 

He just gave the knight a half-hearted smile: “I’ll come back.”

He carried the sword in his palms, beyond the corner of the cliff. It was only common courtesy to not let Felix see him if he could help it.

The best way… 

_ Now how would I…? _

He pondered for a moment. Julius’s face flashed into his mind for a moment, and he felt the muscles in his face twitch, though, whether it was a smile or a scowl, he really couldn’t tell.

“I’m not doing this for you.” he murmured, holding the tip of the sword to the point where his neck met his head.

He thrust up, directly into his skull, and the silence screamed.

“ _ No!! _ ” it said.

It had Felix’s voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unfortunately for Julius and Felix, I love them a lot.  
> That is all.


	3. The Unfinished

He tried his best not to swear out loud when he woke up surrounded by soldiers. Would it kill the witch to update his save point a little?

Sure, he wasn’t too involved in killing the Fingers, but that meant hours until the fight he was actually anxious about. But something else occurred to him, at the same time. If he had gone that far back, there was one problem he could solve before it ever became a problem.

He rode next to Felix throughout most of the journey. It felt somewhat safer, for some reason. He held up a sign and hoped against hope that Ram would see it. Given that no one stopped them, it seemed likely she had.

“Okay.” he sighed, letting his arms down as soon as they were out of her range, “I can do this. I can do this.”

“Sure you can.” grinned Felix, “But if you keep repeating that to yourself, you might jinx it.”

“Don’t interrupt my soliloquies, Felix.”

“Too bad! I’m bored and you’re creepy.” he said, “Match made in heaven.”

“It’s really not.”

The knight just shrugged.

Subaru could practically hear that shrug. It sounded like  _ too bad, you’re stuck with me _ , somehow. It was just one of those expressions that spoke for itself.

“But really, Subaru-kyun…”

“Mh?”

“You  _ can  _ do this. Whatever  _ this _ is. You’ve done a lot of things, after all.”

“If you say so…”

“I say it and I mean it. Let no one accuse me of sugarcoating things.” Felix huffed, proudly, “Do I ever do that?”

“Not that I can remember, no.”

“There you go, then.” 

Something occurred to him. Something important, if he was going to go with the idea that was starting to form in his mind: “Felix, do you think I could find a spare sword somewhere around here?”

“Oh, for sure.” he confirmed, “But I don’t know if the bait showing up armed will really help the ambush, you know?”

“I don’t need to have it there. Just when we fight.”

“Maybe you should ask Julius to bring a spare, then, before we have to split up.” he said, “I’m sure he’ll listen. Although I don’t know how much fighting you’ll get to do.”

“It’s just an emergency measure.”

“Well, alright then. I hope you never use it.”

Subaru chuckled to himself.

“Thanks, Felix.”

As soon as the spy was taken care of, Subaru went to identify his wagon. He’d seen it so many times before, he really should have known which one it was, and yet… 

“There are so many wagons here.” he mumbled to himself, thoroughly inspecting the ones that passed him by. But he knew which one it was. He just had to see which would host Emilia and the children.

He instinctively ducked his head when the girl passed him by on her way there. He wasn’t quite used to the idea of a cloak as effective as hers. Fortunately, she interpreted it as a greeting and bowed her head in return. She looked almost moved by that casual greeting. 

Wagon identified. There she went.

That was when he spoke up: “Excuse me, my lady?”

She turned back with a smile: “Yes?”

“I don’t think I’ve inspected that one yet. May I take a quick look inside? It’ll only take a moment.”

“Oh, of… of course.”

She moved aside to let him pass, gesturing for the children to make way for him. Petra raised her brow at him, but thankfully kept quiet. 

The other children didn’t, but that was understandable, given that the first thing he did was lift the floorboards in the center.

“What are you doing?”

“Hey, you’re breaking it!”

“I think there’s something here.” he explained, and sure enough, everyone went silent when he produced the bag from under the floor. The fire stones, still cold enough to the touch that they couldn’t have been detected had he not known they were there, glowed softly through the thin fabric of the sack.

“Are… are those…” Emilia whispered, pale as a sheet.

“Yes.” he simply said, “But this is the only thing unaccounted for. You’re all safe now, provided you leave immediately.”

He jumped off the back of the wagon and gestured for Emilia to get in: “Watch out for the hole. It may make for an uncomfortable trip, but we don’t have time to replace the floorboards.”

“I…” she stuttered, “I… thank you, sir. How…”

“That’s not important. You should really go now. Sir Wilhelm will escort you.”

He bowed as professionally as he could manage. 

“Take care.” he murmured. It sounded a little more sincere than he’d anticipated.

As the fight drew near, he felt the thing gnawing at his guts again. 

“Welcome back.” he muttered to himself, rolling his eyes at his own anxiety.

No more getting distracted. They were all safe. There was only one person in danger at that point, and he would make damn sure to focus on that. 

He had stuck close to either Julius or Felix up until that point, but they both had to go to their set places for the ambush eventually, and he was left alone once again. Alone with Betelgeuse, in a few minutes. His spine tingled at the memory of the Archbishop embracing him like a friend. He hadn’t felt so unsafe since he’d stood on the White Whale’s back.

Still, he knew that embrace was safer than any fight with Betelgeuse could ever be, so he just gulped down the anxiety and walked right up to the Archbishop.

The warm welcome felt even worse that time. He was misplaced, his mind kept telling him, misplaced and misunderstood, in the man’s eyes. If Betelgeuse could be called a man. He wasn’t quite sure of that. 

The signal came. 

_ Now, run _ .

The ride through the woods wasn’t as scary the second time. No chase ever was. All he had to do the second time was run just as fast as before, knowing it hadn’t got him caught the first time. And so he did. Or, rather, Patrasche did, but she needed no encouragement to run like hell. 

He knew he was getting close. His grip on the reins tightened until his knuckles turned white.

_ Not this time _ .

_ It’ll work this time. _

_ I’ll make sure of it _ .

When they got there, while the Archbishop was distracted by Julius’s entrance, Subaru gave Patrasche a firm pat on the back: “Get out of here, buddy. It’s gonna get messy here.”

A second sword glistened at Julius’s side.

To say that it was satisfying to watch Betelgeuse panic, being surrounded by spirits, would be an understatement.

To say that the satisfaction cancelled out the fear would be a shameless lie.

Without ever taking his eyes, or his sword, away from the Archbishop of Sloth, Julius drew the second sword from his belt, holding it by the blade. Subaru remarked, as he took it from his hands, that it still had traces of metallic dust on its edge. It must have been sharpened very recently. It was almost heartwarming.

“Thanks.”

“Subaru?”

“Yes?”

For the first time since the start of the fight, Julius shot a glance at him, too quick for Betelgeuse to do anything, but just long enough to leave a lasting impression. It was the same, intense glance one would give their friend if they saw them begin to act on a dangerously stupid idea. What he said next all but confirmed it: “Don’t be reckless.”

How he had read his mind so easily, he had no idea. All he could do was nod.

He kept his eyes fixed on the Archbishop even before Nect took effect. When it finally did, he was afraid even to blink.

It was fine. It was fine. 

Julius was moving quickly, fending off any and all attacks aimed at either of them without fail. Even through the sea of shadows that was the Authority of Sloth, he gave off a colourful light that spoke of protection and hope.

And hope was really all Subaru had at that point.

His hand still clutched the spare sword tightly, but he was just starting to let his arm fall to his side. 

Until, that is, one of the hands slipped past Julius’s guard.

Before either of them could react, it had clenched around his left leg. A sting of pain and a spray of blood, and Subaru staggered back a step. 

Two words on his mind, only two:  _ not again _ .

Julius wasn’t deterred. He immediately sliced clean through the hand, but the damage was done. Subaru had a horrible, sinking feeling that there was more damage coming. 

He was proven right when another hit landed in the knight’s right side, only inches above where he’d been injured in the previous timeline. It was starting to feel like a taunt from the universe. A horrible joke at his expense. 

_ Hey, remember how you failed? You’ll fail again. You’ll keep failing for as long as I want you to _ .

If what had been stirring in his gut was fear before, it exploded into pure, white-hot rage. 

The sword hadn’t been such a bad idea after all.

He charged, with a shout of rage, intercepting the hand that had snuck past Julius’s guard and was ready to hit him in the back. Julius shouted something, but he couldn’t hear it over the blood pulsing in his ears.

So the universe wanted him to fail? Well, it would have to try harder than  _ that _ . It would have to strike him down with its own, filthy hands if it wanted him to stop. 

He cut one. Two. Three arms, one after the other, and he was angrier with each of them. And still, the more he cut down, the wider he smiled.

_ Checkmate, universe _ .

He raised his weapon, proudly, ready to cut through two at once, and he felt unstoppable.

For a single, perfect moment, he felt that he could win.

But the moment was cut short with the push of a hand on his side. Not a violent hand of shadows. The human hand of a knight.

Nect snapped and faded like a string of smoke.

He fell harshly to the ground, never letting go of the sword, but thankfully holding it far enough to avoid impaling himself on it at least. The dust tasted bitter to him, the blood from biting his cheek sour and venomous. He was close. He was close!!

And Julius just had to go and-

_ Crunch _ .

No. No, no. It was fine. It was Betelgeuse. The blood splattered on the ground in front of him was from Betelgeuse.

_ No, it isn’t _ .

It must have been. 

_ It isn’t _ .

He didn’t need to…

... _ turn around _ .

The noise was pretty distant. Surely, it was…

_ Julius _ .

It took him a moment to find the knight again when he raised his head. He wasn’t at his side anymore. He was fifty feet away from where he was before, slumped against one of the spikes at the base of the cliff. A ring of blood was slowly expanding from his waist, perfectly circular, like the trace of some invisible garrotte wire. 

It wasn’t hard to see what might have happened. There was only one way he could’ve moved so quickly in the split second between Subaru falling and hearing that horrible noise. 

He dragged himself to his knees, scraping painfully against the ground. Not good. Not good! This was worse!

But he couldn’t take care of that at that moment, because, in the absence of his significantly more intimidating companion, Betelgeuse had turned his sights on him. He scrambled to hold the sword right again, just in time to defend himself against two more hands. 

_ Dammit _ .

He had to die. Betelgeuse had to die, immediately. There was no time. No time.

There were no distractions that time. 

He ducked under two hands set to cross at the level of his neck. There were four more coming. Only a few seconds and it was already starting to overwhelm him. Cut one. Good. Cut two, three, cut the one going for his side, dodge the one aiming for his head. Good.

One hand, unnoticed, grabbed his leg and tugged.

Not good.

He landed harshly on his back, once again; the impact pushed the air out of his lungs and left him gasping, scrambling to defend himself against the horde of hands headed his way with the sword he’d somehow, miraculously, managed to hold on to. But even he was forced to admit defeat when the sky above him was blacked out by a sea of shadowy arms aiming to crush him into a pulp. 

They hovered for a moment above him. 

Then, much like the black serpents they strived to imitate, they attacked.

Subaru closed his eyes. Again. He would have to do it again, better next time, always better next time. 

One moment, there was nothing but darkness behind his eyelids.    
The next…

Someone shouted.

The darkness exploded with a red hue.

He assumed the hands must have struck. But… nothing had touched him. His eyes shot wide open, just in time to find himself face to metaphorical face with the familiar red glow of a lesser spirit.

Ia.

Ia could draw barriers. But the last time she had drawn it, it had been from an order. So…

The barrier vanished, but so did the hands. A splash of blood drenched Subaru’s legs from the knee down. And this time, there was no doubt where it was coming from.

Betelgeuse had not always had a sword sticking out of his neck, after all.

Julius stood on one leg, while his left hung limply beside it, but his aim was true.

One clean twist of his arm and the sword sliced clean through the neck. Of course,  _ of course _ , the head landed exactly at Subaru’s feet.

His first, instinctive reaction was to kick it as far as he could.

The second was to catch Julius when he fell.

It wasn’t looking good. There were at least three different spots where he was bleeding, profusely, and the way he carried himself suggested at least some broken bones. Subaru felt his grip tighten on the back of his jacket.

Julius, like before, tried to sit up. 

Subaru, more than before, didn’t let him.

“Settle down. Please.” he murmured, “You’ll make it worse. Don’t make it worse.”

Julius sighed heavily, but he didn’t try again.

“Y… you… did it.” he rasped out.

"Ah, you did most of the work." Subaru brushed him off, "Or at least you  _ were _ doing it, before… listen, I should've stayed out of it, I know, but... If I had…"

A long pause.

Julius shook his head a little, but Subaru pressed on: "If I had, you probably would have killed him yourself. You wouldn't have been…" another pause, "...like this. I know that. But y… he was getting some hits in, and I…”

He felt his throat close up and his voice cracked shamefully: “I’m sorry, I messed up.”

It took Julius a moment to respond.

The way he chose to do it was with a disturbingly gurgly chuckle and a question: "Are you…" a cough, "Are you actually apologising… or… have I lost too much blood?"

"This isn't funny, Julius!"

"It's a little funny."

Every single pent up emotion in Subaru’s body somehow converted to rage at that moment. Many, many different types of rage, but rage nonetheless.

_ Not this time. _

"No." he growled, "No, it's not funny in the slightest. Let me…"

With some difficulty, and a little inside help, he managed to take Julius’s cape. It was a little torn and a little dusty, but he had no choice when the ground beneath them was slowly turning red.

He had to help Julius sit up and practically hold him like a ventriloquist's puppet to wrap the makeshift bandage around the most concerning wound; namely, the one around his waist, which hadn't stopped bleeding yet. It was asymmetrical, larger on the side that had already been struck by the other hand. His leg wasn't looking good, either, but he didn't really have the time to immobilise the possible fracture. All he had to do was take him to Felix. That was all he had to do.

Then, run like hell. 

A slight deviation from the original plan, but Julius looked like a broken doll. No one would ever forgive Subaru for leaving him behind: not Julius, not Felix, certainly not Subaru himself. He had no reason to leave him that time, but he still had a reason to hurry.

At least he could still talk. That was good. Talking was a good way to keep him awake, and keeping him awake was a good way to keep him alive.

"You really couldn't save me  _ and  _ stay out of the line of fire, could you?"

It took a moment.

"Maybe I could have." Julius murmured, "But maybe I couldn't have. I wasn't willing to risk that."

"You're not as confident as I thought."

The knight just shrugged, then immediately regretted it, if the way he curled up was any indication. 

The wound was dressed, as well as he could manage. Time for the  _ run like hell _ part of the plan. Initially, Subaru went to sling Julius’s arm over his shoulder, but there was a problem: if he carried him by his left side, it would drag the broken leg on the ground, and if he carried him by his right, it would pull the wound on his chest open. Either of those, surely, would hurt like hell.

The best option was to lift him off the ground entirely, which left only one possibility.

He moved to crouch in front of Julius: "Here." he said, "Grab my shoulders."

The knight weakly complied and, with some effort, he was safely on his back.

Not a word was exchanged for at least fifty steps. As soon as he remembered that he was supposed to keep the person at severe risk of shock talking, Subaru cracked.

"This is embarrassing." he muttered. To his relief, he felt a sharp breath on his back. Probably a poor attempt at a laugh.

"I won't say anything if you don't."

Whether Julius was referring to the silence between them or the piggyback ride was anyone’s guess. Subaru went for the less depressing option: "Yeah, well, Felix will."

He could feel Julius smile against his back.

"Give him some credit." he said, "Felix is a lot of things, but unprofessional isn't one of them."

"Speak for yourself! I'm nearly certain he does  _ not _ behave like he did with me when it comes to other patients."

"That's because you get fussy before he's even done anything." he mumbled, "He must find that funny."

"I don't!" 

"Children never think they're as funny as they are."

Subaru hissed between his teeth: "I can still drop you, you know?"

Another burst of warm air on his back. The bastard was having the time of his life, wasn’t he? 

He chose to ignore the provocation and keep walking.

A shiver ran down his spine when something warm trickled down his shoulder blades, right where Julius’s head was resting.

“He threw you like a ragdoll.” he whispered, more to himself than to him. To Julius, directly, though, he asked: “How did you land? Is your back okay?”

It took him a little too long to answer, through laboured breaths: “My leg took most of the impact. But I think… maybe a rib, or two…”

“Got it.”

He had to cut the conversation short, for his own good.

As he racked his brain for conversation ideas that wouldn't end in an even deeper rabbit hole, though, Julius spoke up.

"I meant it."

If he was going to specify what exactly he meant, he didn’t have time to do it before a fit of pain forced him into silence again. Subaru felt him unconsciously tighten his grip around his shoulders. It wasn’t hard to imagine what it could be.

Still, he was curious about what he meant: "You meant what, exactly?"

It took him a few seconds.

"I said…" he rasped out, "...that you were my friend. I meant it."

Subaru felt his heart squeeze a little. Nowhere near as bad as when he tried to talk about Return by Death, but just as unpleasant after it was gone.

"I know." he nodded, "I know. You looked proud when you said it. I have no reason to think you were joking."

"Good. I…" a cough, "I needed you… to know that."

"I do know that."

"Good."

They fell silent once more.

This time, Subaru had the opposite problem. He wasn’t out of things to say. He had too many. 

Where would he start? With banter? Not after that rare serious moment. With another apology? A  _ thank you _ ?

No, thinking about it, there was something more important. Subaru hung his head. His arms, however well-trained, were beginning to feel the strain of carrying another person. They were almost there, though. Almost there.

"Julius?" he called.

No answer, but he did feel a shifting movement against his back. He must've been getting tired. That wasn't good.

It only made what he wanted to say more urgent, though.

"I told you before that I hate your guts. That's…" he paused, "... still true. Maybe. You still annoy me sometimes. But I respect you, and how much you try to help. You may be a pompous prick at times, but you never said no when I asked you for help. And uh… thanks for sending Ia. She saved me more times than I can tell you. Literally."

He took a moment to mentally thank the little red spirit that still lingered around him. He hoped she could hear it. 

"Anyway," he continued, "the point is, I don't actually hate you. You're my friend too. I need you to know that. You know that, right?"

No answer.

"Julius?"

Nothing. Not even a movement. 

He must have passed out. Subaru felt a twinge of panic. That wasn't good. It meant that, unless the bleeding had completely stopped, they didn't have much time. 

Subaru didn't even care that he hadn’t heard anything he'd told him at that point. He would have time to have a proper talk with Julius once he was feeling better. And that meant getting him to Felix,  _ immediately _ . 

He sped up, careful not to jostle the injuries. 

"Hold on." he mumbled, more to himself than to him.

Felix must've sensed something was wrong before they even got there; when Subaru had the village in his sights, he spotted the healer pacing anxiously along the treeline. His heart sank. He wasn’t looking forward to seeing the look on his face when he brought his gravely injured friend to him. Nor to explaining how he got that way.

Wasting no time, he called out to him with what little breath he had left: "Felix, help!"

He could swear Felix’s already strained ears perked up the moment he heard them.

"Subaru-kyun, what-  _ Julius _ !!" he exclaimed as soon as he spotted the lifeless limbs peeking from behind Subaru.

He made his way over to them in little more than two strides and went around Subaru without even looking him in the eyes: "Julius… don't tell me-"

"We killed him." panted Subaru, "We killed Betelgeuse. But not before he hit him. He's- he's really hurt, Felix."

"I can see that!"

He almost flinched at the rage in the healer's voice, even though it was so clearly not directed at him. It was uncharacteristic of him. But it was so painfully obvious that he was simply venting his anger towards the now dead Betelgeuse that Subaru decided to let it slide.

He set Julius down with as much care as he could afford and finally got a good look at him.

All of a sudden, it was easy to see why Felix was so freaked out.

He looked incredibly pale, for one; every visible bit of his skin was tinged an almost grayish white, with the exception of the dark bruise on his leg. There was a rivulet of blood coming from his mouth, but it seemed to have dried up by that point. That explained the wet sensation Subaru had felt on his back some time before.

The most worrying thing, though, was that the impromptu bandage on his abdomen was now completely dry. The bleeding had stopped but, judging by the colour, it must have stopped quite a while back. So why had he fainted so quickly?

He turned his attention to Felix, kneeling beside his fellow knight, his hands hovering above him like he wasn't even sure where to start. 

Subaru, without a word, undid the knot on the bandage and began to pull it away. Being met with no protests, he didn’t stop until it had been removed, down to the last layer. The blood  _ was _ rather dry, as he'd suspected. What little clean skin he could see on his chest was just as bad as everything else. 

Felix took a deep, steadying breath, and moved his hand to the wound. It lit up with a gentle bluish light, the kind of magic that felt like warm water rinsing away all the dirt after a long day. Subaru would know. 

He was just about to ask the healer if he needed any more details, when the light faded with no wounds healed. Subaru looked up with a million angry questions on his tongue. The moment he met Felix’s misty eyes, all but one withered away.

"Is he…?"

Felix set his hand down on Julius’s still chest. It took him a few seconds to answer.

"There's no soul in here." he whispered, "There's nothing I can do."

The silence stretched for what seemed like years as what he was saying began to sink in. Felix repeated it again. And again: “There’s nothing I can do. There’s nothing I can do.”

He spoke quietly, almost to himself, almost like he couldn’t convince himself of what he was saying. And he couldn’t. He couldn’t. Looking at the light that flickered around his hands, the struggle to push his grief aside and give up on his friend was plain to see. 

Subaru was doing no better.

“Why… why did you stop?” he babbled, “Y… the wound’s still-”

“There’s nothing I can do.”

“Why not? Why not?”

“There’s no soul!”

Subaru hardly noticed it when his teeth started chattering: “So what? He… no, he was talking to me five minutes ago! It can’t be too late. It can’t.”

“It is!” cried Felix, “It is, okay? Once the soul leaves, it can’t be returned. Certainly not by me. I can heal this body, if you want. He will still be dead.”

His words were harsh and direct, but his voice was wobbly, shaking with barely contained agony. His hands were still clenched tight, pressed against Julius’s still chest. They were no longer flickering. In convincing Subaru, somehow, he had managed to convince himself.

Subaru felt like his muscles were melting all of a sudden. He vaguely felt himself fall forward, just barely, at the edge of his senses, until his forehead was touching his knees. He wasn’t crying. Not really. It was more like a dozen pins pricking each of his eyes but not allowing any of his tears to fall; like a knot in his throat where he knew his voice should be; like something clenched tight around his chest that wouldn’t let him release the tension in his lungs.

_ We were so close. _

_ We were so close! _

They were both in some state of stasis, but not the peaceful stasis of sleep. It was more like the moment when the shock wears off, the skin pulls apart and the blood starts to spill. Subaru would know about that. 

The skin broke. 

Felix sobbed dryly and collapsed against Julius’s shoulder. He was saying something. Subaru didn’t know what it was, but he did know it wasn’t meant for him. It wasn’t his place to listen.

The stasis broke for him, too; it left him wheezing in guilty relief as the air finally reached his lungs again and his tears began to fall. It felt better. And that made him feel worse.

He let himself fall back against a tree and the sorrow turned to panic.

What now? What could he do? He had already gone back once. He had already done his best. Sure, there was something wrong with what he was doing, clearly, but he couldn’t know for sure what that was just yet. And sure, he could wait for the next nasty thing to fall from the sky and murder him, as they always seemed to do anytime he was feeling a shred of hope, but the sight of Felix’s barriers slowly breaking him down into a crushed shadow of himself was making the wait seem endless. 

Of course, there was a much quicker way.

“Felix, do you need a moment alone?”

He didn’t answer, but the look in his eyes was a very clear  _ yes _ . Subaru stood up, more than ready to walk away, when a tug on his sleeve stopped him. 

Felix.

“What is it?” he asked him.

The knight shook his head: “I’ll go. I can’t… I can’t stay here- I can’t be here right n- A minute. Give me just…”

_ A minute _ . 

_ This is almost too perfect _ .

Subaru offered his hand: “Take as much time as you need. I…” he paused, “ _ We _ ’ll still be here when you get back.”

“Will you?”

“I won’t move an inch.”

He didn’t need to.

_ Come on, Felix. Take the bait _ .

“Alright.”

_ Yes! _

He stood without taking Subaru’s hand. It was only disappointing for a second.

Once he left, it was just a corpse and a dead man walking. Two corpses, maybe. Subaru wasn’t walking either. He collapsed against a rock, right next to Julius, with a heavy sigh.

“Just you and me, mh?”

Silence, of course. And yet…

“Oh, don’t look at me like that. I didn’t  _ lie _ to him, did I? I haven’t moved an inch. I don’t really need to. I don’t…”

He sighed: “Okay, maybe I lied. Hah. What a joke. Why am I talking to you? You’re dead and I still feel like you’re judging me. I’m still talking. Stop talking, Subaru. Before he gets back, I have to…”

His gaze fell to the sword still at Julius’s side. Right. He’d insisted on carrying it back. Like he’d thought he would need it again. 

Subaru’s hand shook as his fingers brushed against the hilt. He did his best to ignore it. 

“I’m not doing this for you.” he mumbled, “You won’t care. You’re dead. I’m not doing this for you.”

The skin of his neck broke before he even made the cut, thanks to his increasingly shaking hands.

_ Better do it now _ .

_ Wait _ . 

If he went back, he would have to fight Betelgeuse again. A shiver ran up his spine. He didn’t want to see him again. Ever. But what choice did he have? The timeline was wrong, again. But he knew that already, he knew that from the moment he’d decided to try and save Julius this time.

"If I could kill him last time…" he murmured, "...then you can, Impeccable Knight. I'll give you my eyes. I will trust you. Because trusting you is all I can do this time. Just, please… please, kill him."

_Slash_. 

He was so used to the taste of blood that that hardly bothered him. What hurt more was when it filled his lungs. He would never get used to the pain of not being able to breathe, he thought.

He knew the feeling of slipping away well enough not to fear it. It was very similar to falling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tfw you rewatch an entire episode just to verify that you wrote the injuries on the correct side.
> 
> Fun fact!! This was originally how the second chapter was supposed to end, with an unfinished conversation and a piggyback ride. But it felt wrong to just leave one of those two ideas there, so I split it in half, modified each half, and made two timelines. Subaru, I'm sorry.
> 
> -Rémy


	4. Epilogue: The Middle Ground

The gasp that ripped through his throat upon waking up was nothing short of desperate. Air tasted sweeter than anything he’d ever come across.

_ Alright, aim for the heart next time. _

“Hey, boy. You alright?” asked Ricardo. He knew his voice before he even opened his eyes.

“F- ine…” he managed to cough out, “Fine.” he repeated after clearing his throat.

“If you’re injured, we can spare the time to take you to a healer.”

Oh, he knew  _ that _ voice. 

He smiled. Julius looked the same. A little more concerned than last time, maybe. And a  _ lot _ more concerned when he saw Subaru smile at him.

“I’m fine. It happens sometimes. I’ve already seen a doctor for it.”

“If… you’re sure…”

“I am.”

He pulled him aside after the meeting was dismissed. Julius was a lot more awkward in retrospect.

“Can I help you?”

He looked about ready to draw his sword, just in case Subaru wasn’t as over their little fight as he’d anticipated. It was reasonable. They hadn’t made up yet in that timeline. 

His eyes looked brighter now that he could actually see them.

“I didn’t call you because I needed help.” Subaru waved him off, “Not now, anyway. Later, much later, I am going to need your help, and I know you’ll do your best. That’s you, isn’t it? I couldn’t see that earlier.”

Yes, he knew how weird it must have sounded. 

_ Well, deal with it, Julius.  _

The  _ is this man okay  _ look was plain to see in his eyes, but that just made it funnier. It would leave him confused, for sure, but hopefully he would appreciate finally having that talk. Or maybe he wouldn’t.  _ See if I care _ .

“Where is this coming from?”

_ Aaah, there he goes. _

“It comes from a whole lot of thinking and time. What else? Can't a man do a little soul-searching?"

That seemed to convince him, at least enough that the tense muscles in his shoulders relaxed a bit: "Pardon me. You seemed significantly more hostile earlier. What brought about this sudden shift?"

"Like I said, thinking and time. I didn’t spend my recovery time shaking my fist at you. Not all of it, anyway.” he scoffed, “I know what you did. I know better now. So, before we go off to fight, I have to tell you one thing.”

Julius tilted his head just a little. He brushed away the lock of hair that was tickling his eyelids in the breeze: "What is it?"

Subaru gave his signature grin. 

He pointed directly at the Impeccable Knight, right at his chest, right where the heart was.

"I wanna be your friend! So?"

He opened his hand.

He hadn’t been sure on how to approach the topic, but  _ oh boy _ , did Julius’s face make that little blurt worth it.

"What are you saying, Subaru?"

The same words. The tone was different this time. He sounded genuinely confused.

Subaru cackled: "I'm sayin' exactly what you just heard. I wanna be friends. But, you know, friendship goes both ways. I feel like you might need to hear that. So, what say you, Julius Euclius?"

Julius blinked.

The sun was beginning to set behind him, and his hair, floating in the rising breeze, created a sort of halo around his head. His smile was hardly angelic (it looked like he was trying to hold back laughter, and who could blame him), but he certainly had the look down.

He took his hand.

"I say it would be an honour." 

There was a middle ground, somewhere between passivity and aggression. 

It was an unstable ground, built on trust, quick thinking and common sense. It may have been unstable, but only in the sense that it could be hard to find. But, once Subaru was standing on it, he’d never felt safer.

He stood back, focused and more determined than ever. 

There was something different in the air, that time. He could feel it.

The feeling was right.

It would be the last time Subaru ever saw that fight. Just like everyone else, finally, he felt ready to move on to the next challenge, with more timelines on his back and more friends by his side.

There was only one thought on his mind, after the dust settled and they were finally leaving to catch up with everybody else.

_ Bring it on _ .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No one tell him about Rem yet, please.
> 
> This one is over, then. :,)  
> I have two more of these stories in the works, but suggestions are appreciated! There are so many characters in this show and I would like to honour at least some of them.
> 
> Next time: Mystery at the Crusch camp.


End file.
